


The Bitter Disappointment of Waking Up

by Sarah_JAG (msdonnatemplenoble)



Category: Haven - Fandom
Genre: Aftermath, Angst, Gen, Guilt, Loss, Memories, Multi, Pain, Pre-Episode: Haven s04e1, The Barn (Haven)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-03
Updated: 2014-11-03
Packaged: 2018-02-24 00:02:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2560637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msdonnatemplenoble/pseuds/Sarah_JAG
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after the barn implodes taking everyone he loved with it (and shortly before he is reunited with Duke). Nathan is left alone and devastated by the aftermath. He and the entire town blame him for the Troubles continuing, this time with no end in sight. Nathan is haunted by his own guilt and grief over the perceived loss of everyone and everything, that has ever mattered to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Bitter Disappointment of Waking Up

**Author's Note:**

> Dipping my toe into the depths of fan fiction. Haven and it's relationships are favourite of mine.

The light from the mid-morning sun, suddenly pours over Nathan's outstretched form. A bitter reminder that time continues to march forward whether he wants it to or not. He tosses an arm across his eyes, still clenched tightly shut, trying like all hell to hang onto the quickly fading image of Audrey before its gone...again. Like her. Defeated, he peels himself off the tattered remains of the old, vinyl sofa he attempted to sleep on last night. Uprighting himself, he stands blinking into the blinding light coming from a missing slat in the tattered, filth covered mini-blinds. He almost smirks to himself thinking about how he could hurt his eyes staring into the sun's rays like that; but who the fuck would care? Certainly not him. It would serve him right to be blind, on top of not being able to feel. Besides, everything beautiful in his world was gone now, so there was nothing more for him to see anyway. Nathan drops his eyes to the side table next to the sofa. The toppled beer bottles appear to have a halo from the after effects of staring into the sun for so long. He sees this as a sign that the singularly upright bottle was as good of a breakfast as anything else. Reaching for it, he takes a long pull from the bottle, finishing it off, before letting it fall to the floor. It was time to get moving. No telling on who could be waiting for him on the other side of the door. It could be no one, a group of guys looking to have some more fun beating on him or the Guard; waiting to take him back to Haven and kill him for what he has sentenced them, and the entire town to. Glancing around the tiny, closet of a room, Nathan can't help but think about Duke...the look on Duke's face if he knew how he had been "living" these past few months. He wasn't entirely sure if he'd be impressed or horrified. The thought of Duke being shocked by anything he could possibly do made Nathan involuntarily smile for a brief moment. A gesture Nathan quickly corrected. He had no right to smile, not even for a moment. Duke was gone too, and it was all his fault. Duke, that infuriating, son of a bitch...Duke with that cocky way of entering a room that immediately made him feel small and awkward. Duke, who despite it all, stood by Nathan's side when he thought he had no one; quietly of course, but he was there just the same. In some way, having Duke gone made him even less of a person than Audrey being gone. For as long as he could remember, he and Duke were always, SOMEHOW, connected in some weird, yin-yang, kind of way. They were opposites, but drawn together. One could not exist without the other...neither one of them was truly WHOLE without the other to feed off of. Audrey, well Audrey was special. She was somehow the force that awakened different parts in BOTH of them. They were both drawn to her like moths to a flame, yet neither one was scorched by her light; instead they flourished. Somehow, she made them see each other as partners...almost like BROTHERS, in this fight to save Haven, to save her. Only, he had failed. He failed Audrey. He failed Duke. He failed James. He failed the town. He failed everyone. 

Looking down at the bottle at his feet, Nathan kicked at it ferociously. He sent it flying into the wall, shattering it into a million tiny shards of sparkling light. It wasn't enough. He grabbed the other bottles off the table and started, one by one, hurling them at the wall. With each effort, he let out a primal grunt as he released the bottles to their fate against the unyielding plaster. Pieces of glass rained down upon him, they ricocheted back at him...they were everywhere. He was sure they were piercing his bare skin in places, not that he could feel it, but he still had a pretty good arm from his years pitching in little league. The Chief used to make him throw over and over again even after practice was over, just to make sure he got it right. Sometimes, Duke would just "happen" to walk by with his mitt conveniently stuffed in his back pocket....  
Nathan shook his head hard. Damn it! No. This was not going to turn into another trip down memory lane. Abruptly, Nathan turned and grabbed the backpack holding what few belongings he had with him on the road and his jacket, and headed for the door. He could hear the glass crunching under his weight as he reached out to grasp the door knob. His hand hesitated for a brief second, resting on the dull, smudged door knob. The sound of the glass transporting him... He closed his eyes briefly and heard himself calling out to Duke to go into the collapsing barn after Audrey. He heard the sound of old wood, splintering and cracking under the crushing weight of itself, as the barn imploded. The imploding barn that held Audrey, their son and Duke...he did that to them. By shooting and killing Agent Howard, Nathan sentenced everyone that had meant anything to him, to whatever hellish fate the dieing barn had in store for them. He sentenced the town that he swore to protect to an eternity of the Troubles and more pain, death and sorrow.  
Somehow, knowing all of that, made Nathan more eager to open the door and step out into the light of day. Perhaps this would be the day that the Guard found him, or when he was beaten to death by one of the many guys who paid good money to pummel him. For as much as Nathan wanted to right the wrongs he had committed; part of him wanted to be punished more than anything. However, nothing short of his death seemed adequate, and even that would not be enough.


End file.
